What Are Homophobia, Heterophobia and Biphobia?

Homophobia, heterophobia and biphobia occur when a person makes negative assumptions about a person – or has an inherent dislike – for others because of their sexual orientation. It can cause a person to have beliefs and assumptions about other people’s intentions and limit a person’s ability to form a healthy relationship with themselves and others.

Experiencing homophobia, heterophobia, or biphobia can be extremely damaging to a person’s physical, mental, and emotional health and well-being. It can cause a person to feel disconnected from the community-at-large which can lead to risky behavior or engaging in relationships and behaving in ways that are not authentic. Lack of healthy relationship with oneself and others can lead to thoughts of suicide, long-term depression and anxiety, isolation from the community-at-large, and increased substance use and addictions. 

Forming healthy relationships, falling in love, and building a family of choice is a basic human need. All people have the right to fall in love and to be treated equally and fairly, regardless of their sexual orientation. As importantly, all people should be able to love themselves, and to have healthy, thriving relationships with others.

Institutionalized

Institutionalized homophobia, heterophobia and biphobia happens when it is the policy or practice of a group, business, organization, or government to treat people differently because of their real or perceived sexual orientation.

Rejecting and Dismantling Homophobia, Heterophobia, and Biphobia

The first step in rejecting the phobias is saying it’s not okay, and helping ourselves and others to dismantle the heterosexist lens.

Similar to sexism, the heterosexist lens requires us to make a lot of assumptions about ourselves and others. This lens views people as either a man or woman. It assumes that men want to form sexual and intimate relationships with women, and that women want to form sexual and intimate relationships with men. It also assumes that men and women cannot be friends, and that there is always an underlying sexual tension between them.

The heterosexist lens also views homosexuality and bisexuality as abnormalities. According to this lens, homosexuality is when men want to form sexual and intimate relationships with men and women want to form sexual and intimate relationships with women. There is a generalized notion that homosexual men and women want to form sexual or intimate relationships with all people of their same sex, and that homosexual people can’t just be friends with people of the same sex.

In this lens, bisexuality is when a man or woman is attracted to both men and women. It is often believed bisexuality coincides with an inability to be monogamous because the person is always attracted to men and women all the time – they can’t just be friends with someone.

Generally speaking, the heterosexist lens expands on sexism, and assumes a person’s relationship goals, boundaries, and desires based on their sexual orientation.

Spectrum-Based View of Humanity

What is sexual orientation anyway?

As human beings, we have an innate desire to form relationships with other people. As we discussed in previous modules, there are many types of relationships we can form, and many layers to our relationships. Sexual orientation refers to our attractions to others when we’re looking to form sexual relationships, dating relationships and intimate partner/spouse relationships. Our attractions are not innately tied to our own sex or gender, meaning we can be attracted to anyone regardless of our own sex and gender.

Sexual Attraction

Our sexual orientation broadly refers to the sex characteristics and gender expressions we find attractive in a potential sexual partner. These characteristics often include physical characteristics such as genitals and the different ways estrogen and testosterone have impacted a person’s physical body features. Some people are attracted to all sexes and gender expressions. Some people are attracted to those whose sex and gender are similar to their own and some people are attracted to those whose sex and gender are different from theirs. Some people have a broad range of attractions, and some people find they aren’t really attracted to anyone’s features at all.

Sexual orientation is very personal and our attractions and likes can change over time. Generally speaking, our sexual orientation is not a choice, but it would be okay if it was – It’s okay for us to form sexual relationships and dating or intimate partnerships with consenting adults of our choice.

It’s also important to note that just because we find someone attractive doesn’t mean we want to have sexual relationship or even a friendship with them; It just means we acknowledge their attractiveness to us.

Personality Traits

In addition to a person’s physical attractiveness to us, we may also be attracted to certain aspects of a person’s personality. In fact, our attraction or non-attraction to a person’s personality traits can override or enhance our sexual interest. These traits can include things such as ambition level and work ethic, sense of humor, parenting abilities, perceived intellect, and athletic abilities. For some people, another person’s personality traits are an important part of their sexual interest, and for others, it makes no difference. How and why we are attracted to a person’s personality traits is often part of a personal desire to be with someone whose personality traits are similar or compatible with our own – which in some cases means completely the opposite.

Platonic Attractions

In addition to our sexual attractions to others, we can also find ourselves more attracted to certain sex characteristics and gender expressions when developing platonic, or non-sexual relationships. While it would be sexist to intentionally limit our emotional connections and attachments with someone based on their sex or gender, we may find that we are naturally drawn towards developing emotional connections and attachments with people of particular sexes and gender expressions when developing our platonic relationships as well.

Some people find themselves more drawn to developing platonic relationships with people who have a different sex or gender than themselves, while having a sexual interest in people who have a similar sex and gender to themselves (and vice versa). Our emotional connection and attachment orientation – or platonic orientation – may or may not be the same as our sexual orientation. We might find deep connections with people regardless of our interest or intent in developing a sexual or intimate partner relationship.

Affectional Orientation

Affection is a form of non-sexual, healthy caring touch, and is generally considered a basic human need. We can give and receive affection from anyone. A hug, handshake, or pat on the back are all forms of healthy, non-sexual affection. Some people are very open to giving affection and receiving affection from others, and some people reserve affection for people with whom they have an emotional connection, attachment, or sexual relationship with. Still, some people may not enjoy any affection much at all. A person’s affectional orientation often has a lot to do with their personal boundaries when it comes to relationship layers and relationship types.

In some cases, a person’s affectional orientation is similar to their sexual orientation, but not always. For example, many people have seen NFL football players pat each other on the butt – but it doesn’t mean they are necessarily sexually attracted to their teammates. Similarly, when two people hug, it rarely has anything to do with their sexual attraction to one another.

Love

As human beings, we are able to love anyone. Our love for another person is independent of our sexual, platonic, or affectional orientation. However, there are many people who desire to find a sexual, dating, or intimate/married partner they love and with whom they have a sexual, platonic, and affectional attraction. Often when we love someone in a romantic (sexual, dating, or intimate partner) way, we want the relationship to grow, develop and become deeper. When we allow this to happen, our emotional connections and attachment level grow as well. 

Questioning

Some people inherently know and understand their sexual orientation early on, while some people explore their sexual orientation with themselves and consenting others. Part of this process often includes exploring our own body and finding out what we like and don’t like. In addition to our genitals, other of parts of our body can also lead to pleasurable feelings and enhance our connection and attachment to others. It’s okay for us to explore our sexual orientation with a consenting partner, regardless of our or their real or perceived sexual orientation.

Protection

When we engage in sexual activities with another person – regardless of our sexual orientation – we often exchange bodily fluids. The exchange of bodily fluids can sometimes lead to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Things you may wish to learn more about and protect yourself against include chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, HIV, HPV, and crabs. Some of these diseases can be cured with treatment, and others have preventative vaccines available. Check with your doctor, or local Planned Parenthood or Health Department to learn more.

You can help protect yourself and your partner by asking each other about your most recent STD tests. Generally speaking, it’s a good idea to get tested for STDs annually or more frequently if you are sexually active. If your partner has a current STD, you have a right to decide whether or not you want to engage in sexual activity with them. If you ever have an STD yourself, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. However, you are responsible for getting treatment, taking precautions, and being honest and telling your partner about their potential exposure – You and your partner have a right to informed consent. Remember, It’s always okay for you or your partner to say no to sex for any reason.

Condoms are generally considered an important part of safer sexual activities and are known to prevent many diseases. They can also help to avoid pregnancy. However, regardless of our sexual orientation, when penis-in-vagina sexual activities occur, there may be the possibility of pregnancy. Before engaging in these activities, each partner should discuss their goals and desires with regard to parenthood. If parenthood is not expressly consented to by all parties, birth control methods should be used to prevent pregnancy. This might include a condom or other effective forms of prevention. You can learn more about these through your local health care provider, doctor, or health department. Remember, it is always okay to say no to sexual activities for any reason.

Relationship Orientation

In addition to our sexual orientation, we have a relationship orientation that relates to the number of sexual partners or intimate relationships we feel comfortable engaging with at one time. Some people are more oriented to monogamy which means they prefer to be with only person at a time. This can include during a relationship or throughout their entire lives. In addition to helping to prevent STDs, monogamy can also enhance feelings of trust and companionship, and increase emotional connections and attachments.

However, some people are more oriented to maintaining multiple sexual partners within the same relationship (sometimes known as multi-partner relationship) or in various sexual relationships with different people at the same time (sometimes known as an open relationship). A person’s relational orientation can change throughout their lifetime, and it’s always important for all partners to be open and honest about their needs, wants, and desires.

While relational orientation often centers around sexual activities, people have a range of monogamy and openness with regard to their affectional and platonic relationships as well. For example, some people prefer to only hug or hold hands with their intimate partner, and others may feel comfortable sharing affection with others, whether or not there is a sexual partnership. Just like with STD’s and pregnancy, relationship orientation, clear boundaries, expectations, and agreements should be discussed before engaging in a sexual relationship. It’s important to remember lying, or concealing a sexual partner or relationship is a form of oppression or abuse, and attempting to be okay with something you’re not can be a form of self-oppression, too.

Healthy Sexual Relationship Boundaries

We discussed important sexual relationship boundaries in the Relationship Module. If needed, you can revisit the module to help refresh your memory and keep you and your partner(s) safe.

Beliefs to Challenge

I should be attracted to people of my opposite sex or gender.

Human First Lens

I can find people attractive for a variety of reasons. Who I choose to form a healthy sexual relationship or intimate partnership is completely up to me.

Beliefs to Challenge

If a person of my same/opposite sex flirts with me, I become uncomfortable.

Human First Lens

I recognize that someone else finding me attractive doesn’t have anything to with my sexual orientation. It just means someone finds me attractive. If I share an interest, I can continue the conversation. If I’m not interested or attracted to the person in that way, I can kindly reject their advance.

Beliefs to Challenge

Sometimes I assume who a person is attracted to based on the way they look or carry themselves.

Human First Lens

I recognize that I can’t tell who people are attracted to by looking at them, or by how they act or what they say. If it’s relevant to the conversation, and I genuinely want to get to know the person better, I can always ask.

Beliefs to Challenge

I get offended if someone asks me my sexual orientation.

Human First Lens

I recognize all people have a sexual orientation, and that it’s common for people be curious about other people’s life experiences. When someone asks about my sexual orientation, they are respecting the fact that we shouldn’t assume anyone’s sexual orientation just by looking at them.

Beliefs to Challenge

I can assume the attitudes, beliefs, values, or abilities of someone based on their real or perceived sexual orientation.

Human First Lens

I recognize a person’s attitudes, values, beliefs, and abilities are completely independent of their sexual orientation. If I want to learn more about a person, I can engage them in a conversation.

Beliefs to Challenge

I can’t be friends with people who have a different sexual orientation than me.

Human First Lens

I can be friends with anyone.

Beliefs to Challenge

I don’t think people of the same/opposite sex should get married to one another.

Human First Lens

I recognize all people have the right and inherent need to form relationships and families of their choosing.

Beliefs to Challenge

I don’t think same/opposite sex couples should have children.

Human First Lens

I know that a person’s parental abilities are not tied to their sexual or relationship orientation. I think children deserve good parents, regardless of the parents’ sexual orientation. In addition, I recognize that many parents do not have the same sexual orientation as their children, and that is okay.

Beliefs to Challenge

I don’t understand why some people are attracted to certain things.

Human First Lens

I understand that attraction is personal. I may be attracted to sex characteristics and personality traits someone else might not understand, and that’s okay, too.  

If you have been a victim of homophobia, heterophobia, or biphobia, it’s important to remember that you have the right to form healthy relationships, fall in love, and to build a family of your choice. No one ever has the right to tell you who or how to love.

If you have find that you have developed unhealthy habits as a result of homophobia, heterophobia, or biphobia, it may be time to get support from a counselor or spiritual leader. Trauma is real, and can affect our ability to form healthy relationships with ourselves and others. You deserve to love yourself for who you are, and to have happy, healthy thriving relationships.

If you have faced discrimination in employment, housing or public accommodations based on your sexual orientation, contact your local, state or federal Civil Rights office to be directed to ways you can file a complaint. 

If you have come to realize you may have been homophobic, heterophobic or biphobic towards others, it’s important to make a change from this moment forward. It’s never okay to treat someone poorly, or deny them access to their basic human rights or human needs. You can make a change by committing to standing up for others and creating a safe space for all people from this moment forward.  

Interpersonal

We can interrupt Homophobia, Heterophobia and Biphobia in any situation by calling attention to the issue and saying it’s not okay. We can remind people that everyone has a sexual orientation, personal boundaries, and the right to fall in love. Our sexual orientation does not change our right to be treated with dignity, worth and respect.

Systemic

We can ensure that policies and laws take into account the diverse sexual orientations of humanity, and do not marginalize or discriminate against any person.