What is Othering?

Treating people as an outsider or an “other” is a way of dehumanizing people and making them feel unaccepted because of their beliefs, physical appearances, attributes, behaviors, or other characteristics they may choose or have internally. Over time, being “othered” can make a person feel less connected to the community as a whole. This can lead to mental and emotional trauma which can cause depression, anxiety, loneliness, and thoughts of suicide. It can also lead to lashing out and less care for the community as whole, sometimes leading to anti-social beliefs and behaviors – up to and including criminal activities that cause harm to others. No one should ever have to feel like they are not worthy of being seen a human being or not part of the community.

Institutionalized Othering

Institutionalized permanent othering happens when it is the policy or practice of a group, business, organization, or government to permanently label people or treat people differently based on certain attributes. 

Dismantling the Us versus Them Lens

The first step in rejecting permanent othering is saying it’s not okay and dismantling the “us versus them” lens.

The “us versus them” lens assumes that we can single out an experience, belief, attribute, characteristic, or behavior of a person and assumes that we can predict the person’s other experiences, conclusions, beliefs, attributes, characteristics or behaviors based on that one aspect of their personality or identity.

The lens assumes that we can view those with the same beliefs, characteristics, or behaviors as ourselves as “us”, and people with different beliefs, characteristics, or behaviors than ourselves as “them.” This lens leads to the allowance of permanent othering.

Permanent othering can manifest as many of the topics we’ve covered in the Human First Lens – such as racism, sexism, and nativism – but it can occur in many other ways, too. It can occur when people make fun of those who choose to use Eastern Medicine instead of Western Medicine, or when people group themselves into categories, such as jocks or band members.

Essentially, permanent othering is present when a person says “they” are not like “us.” The lens is often being used when a person says things like “those people…” or “all people who…”. Use of this lens often focuses solely on people’s differences and prevents people from forming healthy relationships based on commonalities. It almost always leads to oppression and dehumanization of those perceived as “them.” 

Spectrum-Based View of Humanity

What Does “Othering” Mean Anyway?

Comparing and contrasting ourselves with others is a natural part of our learning and development process. It happens when we are learning about ourselves, creating our own identity, and determining our own thoughts about how we view our own characteristics, and the behaviors we believe are acceptable. As part of own development, sometimes we examine other people before we come to conclusions about ourselves. When we’re feeling insecure about our conclusions, we may try to enhance our position by saying “we” when considering people who have similar beliefs or attributes, and “they” for those that don’t. This can sometimes be referred to as temporary othering. While this is common, it is not a necessary part of the process. 

Discernment

Discernment is the process of accepting that what works best for us is okay for us and what works best for other people is okay for them. Generally speaking, unless a person is actively working against our human rights, civil rights, constitutional rights, or access to basic needs – their beliefs or actions have limited or no impact on us.

Discernment allows us to recognize people as inherently the same as us, but with different attitudes, attributes, beliefs or ways of doing things. We know we have completed the process of temporary othering or discernment when we no longer say things like “we do things this way…” or “they do things this way…”, and are confident in saying “I like,” “I enjoy,” or “I decided for me.”

Ultimately, discernment allows us to acknowledge our differences and still provide general regard to our fellow human beings. When we go through the process of discernment, we no longer feel any sense of insecurity or “otherness” when other people say what works for them even it is different from ourselves. We simply acknowledge and appreciate our differences, often saying, “What works for me works for me, and what works for you, works for you,” or more commonly – “I’ll do me, you do you.” 

Boundaries and Compatibility

Once we’ve completed the discernment process it can have an impact on our boundaries. When our boundaries change it can impact our relationship layers and relationship types with other people. In some cases, these changes might allow us to grow closer to others. In other cases, these changes might require us to evolve or change our relationship layer or type with someone. However, in many cases, our relationship layer or type doesn’t need to change at all. We’re simply able to say and acknowledge that we disagree about something or some way of doing something. Many people are able to maintain their close friendships and familial connections by saying, “We agree to disagree.” On the other hand, some people find a relationship no longer works with their boundaries and choose to end it. Regardless of any changes to our boundaries and relationship layers or types, it’s important to remember that general regard – appreciation of someone’s dignity, worth and humanity – is the minimum layer we provide to all other people. Even when we disagree. We also remain committed to ensuring that all people’s basic human rights are upheld, and that they are able to meet their basic human needs. 

Recognizing Permanent Othering 

Permanent othering occurs when we are unable to complete the discernment process and come to believe we are inherently different from other people because of certain attributes, characteristics, behaviors or beliefs. In most cases, permanent othering leads to bias or prejudice development, and oppression. If we permanently identify someone else’s attributes, characteristics or behaviors as inherently better than ours, we can suffer from internalized oppression. If we permanently identify our attributes, characteristics or behaviors as inherently better than those of other people’s, we’re more likely to engage in oppressing them. 

Belief to Challenge

I can’t be around people who don’t have the same opinion about a certain topic as me.  

Human First Lens

I am secure in my own beliefs and about what works best for me. I recognize someone else’s beliefs and what works best for them may be different from my own. It’s okay for us to agree to disagree. I am also likely to find at least common ground with everyone.

Belief to Challenge

I dislike or have negative feelings about people who have a different worldview than I do.

Human First Lens

I recognize that there are nearly 8 billion of us on the planet, and we are not likely to agree on everything. I can have a neutral or positive feeling about those I don’t see eye to eye with. I can also engage in genuinely respectful conversation to help me understand why they believe the way they do – or do the things they do – and share my beliefs and experiences as well. I know this might help us both come to a better understanding of ourselves and each other. 

Belief to Challenge

I get frustrated when I know there is a better way to do something.

Human First Lens

I recognize that each of us does things in a way that works best for us. If someone does something a different way than I do and it’s not causing harm or pain to anyone, I have no reason to become frustrated. If a person’s human rights or access to basic needs are being denied or impacted, I can speak up and advocate for policy and systemic change. 

Belief to Challenge

I don’t understand how people can be friends with someone who tries to take away their rights!

Human First Lens

I recognize that there are many reasons we form deep connections and attachments to people. In addition, I recognize that all people can learn and grow. I understand that when someone maintains a relationship with a person, it’s likely because they believe there is inherent goodness in them, and that they are likely to learn and grow.

Beliefs to Challenge

I find myself saying “they” and “those people”.

Human First Lens

I recognize that this can be a part of my own identity development and discernment process. When I’m feeling more secure about who I am and my position, I no longer feel the need to “other” people in any way.

Beliefs to Challenge

Can’t we all just get along?

Human First Lens

Yes. I recognize that all of us have the ability to learn and grow, and we are all doing the best we can with the information and tools available to us at any given time. If there is a systemic law or policy that needs changing, I can commit to raising awareness about it and making change, while maintaining general regard for those with whom I am interacting. Otherwise, I can maintain general regard and good will towards others whether or not we see eye to eye. 

Being “othered” can be extremely painful and disheartening, especially when it happens from people you normally care about and feel safe with. Remember, this is a temporary process, and it has nothing to do with you. Over time, it’s likely that the person will become more secure in their position and be able to see you as the amazing person you are. In the meantime, you may want to find additional support from different friends and family, different groups, or even from a counselor or spiritual advisor. If you have experienced discrimination in employment, housing, or in a public accommodation, you may also wish to file a complaint with your local, state, or federal civil rights office. Discrimination for any reason is not okay.

If you have come to realize you may have been “othering” someone, it’s important to remember that each person has a wide range of attributes, emotions, feelings, experiences, and worldviews. You can make a commitment to seeing a person as whole person, instead of one aspect of them, and focus on moving through your discernment process. Remember, it’s possible to relate to people in many ways.

Interpersonal

We can interrupt othering anytime we come across it by saying it’s not okay. We can reassert the importance of making sure that all people feel included and valued as part of a community, regardless of their real or perceived differences. We can also help people to remember that works for each person is best for them. Another important way we can interrupt the cycle of othering is by making sure we are confident in ourselves and who we are in order to truly accept others for who they are as well.

Institutionalized and Systemic

We can also make sure that no one’s rights or access to basic needs are being violated during the process of discernment. If this occurs, we can make a commitment to raising awareness about the issue and engaging with stakeholders and decision-makers to make systemic change that ensures diversity, accessibility and inclusion for all people – no exceptions.